THE WASHHOUSE AT THE BACK Now we've lived in our house for years, it's a lovely house an all There’s doors that lead into each room and floors between each wall. It's got two rooms upstairs and down and a washhouse at the back It costs another half a crown for the washhouse at the back It's nice and cosy quite all right to make it bright and nice and light The whitewashed walls all washed white in the washhouse at the back. We thought we'd stage a play one night in the washhouse at the back With the Virgin Queen all dressed in white in the washhouse at the back And then the King cried out so mad, 'I’ll rob you of your power by gad." And the Virgin Queen lost all she had in the washhouse at the back. Our Thomas cat will never stray from the washhouse at the back. You'll always find him night and day in the washhouse at the back. Tho' he's in love with each Maria, to roam the tiles he's no desire So they all sit round the copper fire in the washhouse at the back. That's where Pa told Ma the tale in the washhouse at the back Their marriage lines hang on a nail in the washhouse at the back Their honeymooning trip they broke and mother shouted, "It's no joke" His pyjama suit she'd left to soak in the washhouse at the back. The flute I practise every night in the washhouse at the back It thrills our servant with delight in the washhouse at the back. She's extra pretty she's a beaut, on music too she's really cute Now she loves to twiddle on my flute in the washhouse at the back An aeroplane nose-dived one day near the washhouse at the back. The one thing that got in its way was the washhouse in the back. That aeroplane in our back yard smashed every fence and windowpane Then it swooped up in the sky again with the washhouse on its back. Back To Top Of Page WE’VE BEEN A LONG TIME GONE Many moons ago, we went to face the foe in the far off distant past But now we're all with wrinkles like a lot of Rip Van Winkles. But we re back home now at last. We've been a long time, a long time, a terrible hell of a long time gone. It was the wrong time to leave the little wife, To leave the little sweetheart at the right time of her life And when she meets you and she greets you With a 'hello darling' now we'll carry on I'm going to love you more and more, the kids are at school till four You've been a terrible hell of a long time gone, You've been a long time, a long time, a terrible hell of a long time gone. It was the wrong time to leave the little wife To leave your little sweetheart at the right time of her life, And when she meets you and greets you With a 'hello darling' now we'll carry on I'm going to love you more and more than ever I did before. You've been a terrible hell of a long time gone. You've been a long time, a long time, a terrible hell of a long time gone. It was the wrong time to leave the little wife To leave the little sweetheart at the right time of her life. And when she meets you and greets you With a 'hello darling' now we'll carry on I'm going to love you more and more, so hurry and bolt the door. You've been a terrible hell of a long time gone. Back To Top Of Page WHEN THE WATERWORKS CAUGHT FIRE Home guards guard our waterworks, protection they require But we got in hot water when the waterworks caught fire Our corporal started to undress, he looked like Adam more or less And he wore a sprig of watercress when the waterworks caught fire Girl firefighters Flo and Toots undressed without swimming suits It's a good job they wore rubber boots when the waterworks caught fire. Fire guards and home guards, they answered the call. Red guards and white guards and blaggards and all. Our air raid warden took a jump he might have drowned the silly chump But his wife grabbed hold of his stirrup pump when the waterworks caught fire. Several ducks from Farmer Cleggs staggered out on shakey legs And started laying hard boiled eggs when the waterworks caught fire Fanlight fanny what a scream, she dived head first into the stream You couldn’t see her arms for steam when the waterworks caught fire. Fire guards and home guards, they answered the call. Red guards and white guards and blaggards and all. Mrs. Brown across the way, who has a cold bath every day Was scalded on her - she won't say when the waterworks caught fire. Stripping off their coats and slacks ladies scrubbed each others backs The home guard paid amusement tax when the waterworks caught fire Young firefighter Miss Mcduff, threw her job up in a huff She said she'd spotted quite enough when the waterworks caught fire Fire guards and home guards, they answered the call. Red guards and white guards and blaggards and all. One girl showed her figure fine, then she hit a floating mine Just below the water line, when the waterworks caught fire. Back To Top Of Page WHEN WE FEATHER OUR NEST I’ve been lonely a long long time, we’ll get together soon In our little nest I’ll deserve a rest, after the honeymoon. Though I feel a little bit shy, I’ll be all right by and by. I have never been wed before, I’m going to like it I feel quite sure Gee, there’s something for us in store. When we feather our nest We’ll live under a magic spell, it’ll be like heaven but sad to tell If your mother comes round it’ll be like **** when we feather our nest We will make our home just like a one price happiness store There will be just you and me and maybe two or three more You’ll have to make my wages do, I’m only earning one pound two That’s a pound for me and two bob for you when we feather our nest The bed is not long enough but still, manage somehow I know we will I’ll sleep with my feet on the window sill, when we feather our nest. We’ve got a garage but don’t forget, we can’t afford a car just yet. We must save up for a sewing machine, when we feather our nest. We will make our home just like a one price happiness store There will be just you and me and maybe three or four more We’ll keep our garden up to scratch, slugs and snails I’ll let you catch But don’t muck about with the cabbage patch, when we feather our nest The parlour’s small, seven feet by four, we’ll take our piano to bits I’m sure And push all the parts underneath the floor, when we feather our nest. A lovely bathroom all brand new, you’ll splash me, yes and I’ll splash you And we’ll see such a lot of each other too, when we feather our nest. We will make our home just like a one price happiness store There will be just you and me and maybe two or three more. Around the house there’ll be jobs galore, you'll bet I’ll do my share and more And you’ll soon find out what a husband’s for, when we feather our nest. Back To Top Of Page WHO ARE YOU A-SHOVING OF? You cannot be too careful in this world of ours today A little hasty action and there's often lots to pay But I've reached one conclusion so I'll tell you right away If anyone gets tough with you, well this is what you say - oi Who are you a shoving of, who do you think you be Who are you a shoving of, keep your hands off me. I can't see why you pick on me. Who are you a shoving of, kindly let me be. A chap worked in a quarry with a load of dynamite He lit his pipe and dropped the match and set the stuff alight. His workmates couldn't find him when the smoke had cleared away But somewhere up above the clouds the angels heard him say Who are you a shoving of, who do you think you be Who are you a shoving of, keep your hands off me. I can't see why you pick on me. Who are you a shoving of, kindly let me be. There was a handsome soldier boy who sat down in the park Beside a pretty nursemaid who looked ready for a lark. We'll never know what happened or what really occurred, But this we know for certain is what everybody heard - ey! Who are you a shoving of, who do you think you be Who are you a shoving of, keep your hands off me. I can't see why you pick on me. Who are you a shoving of, kindly let me be. I know a blooming soldier who got the blooming hump, They put him in the paratroops and said he'd have to jump. He said it seems a silly way to take a trip to town. They pushed him out and heard him shout as he went floating down - oi! Who are you a shoving of, who do you think you be Who are you a shoving of, keep your hands off me. I can't see why you pick on me. Who are you a shoving of, kindly let me be. A nasty little U boat came a snooping round the fleet A couple of destroyers thought he ought to have a treat. They dropped a little egg or two, there was a mighty plop. Then Cap-it-an Von Stinkle-bum came gurgling to the top. Who are you a shoving of, who do you think you be Who are you a shoving of, keep your hands off me. I can't see why you pick on me. Who are you a shoving of, kindly let me be. Back To Top Of Page WHY DON’T WOMEN LIKE ME Now I know I’m not handsome, no good looks or wealth But the girls I chase say my plain face will compromise their health. Now I know fellows worse than me bow-legged and boss-eyed Walking out with lovely women clinging to their side. Now if women like them like men like those, why don’t women like me? Look at Empress Josephine, the most attractive women that ever was seen, Yet Napoleon short and fat, captivates a lovely looking dame like that Now if women like them like men like those - why don’t women like me? Hey, hey, why don’t women like me? Last night I went I out walking, my intentions were to click But the sights I saw while walking out, they nearly made me sick. I must admit I saw some girls, attractive little dears Arm in arm with ugly men with cauliflower ears. Now if women like them like men like those - why don’t women like me? What can the attraction be, that’s the thing that always starts to worry me. Although I haven’t got a bean, I’ve got a lot of things that girls have never seen. Now if women like them like men like those - why don’t women like me? Hey, hey, why don’t women like me? Now I went for my holidays down to the gay seaside, I saw a lot of things there being hidden by the tide. The way some women jumped around the man there in the sea Made me think that there is still a good chance left for me. ‘Cause if women like them like men like those, why don’t women like me Of all the shapes and sizes there I’ve got a chance of clicking yet I do declare. For I don’t want to be a nark, I saw a lot of things below the watermark. Now if women like them like men like those, why don’t women like me? Hey, hey - why don’t women like me? Now if women like them like men like those, why don’t women like me? Take Lord Nelson with one limb, Lady William Hamilton she fell for him. With one eye and one arm gone west, she ran like the devil and she grabbed the rest. Now if women like them like men like those, why don’t women like me? Hey, hey - why don’t women like me? Back To Top Of Page WHEN I'M CLEANING WINDOWS Now I go window cleaning to earn an honest bob. For a nosey parker it's an interesting job Now it's a job that just suits me, a window cleaner you will be. If you could see what I can see When I'm cleaning windows. Honeymooning couples too, you should see them bill and coo. You'd be surprised at things they do When I'm cleaning windows. In my profession I work hard, but I'll never stop. I'll climb this blinking ladder ‘til I get right to the top. The blushing bride she looks divine, the bridegroom he is doing fine I'd rather have his job than mine When I'm cleaning windows. The chambermaid sweet names I call, it's a wonder I don't fall. My minds not on my work at all When I'm cleaning windows I know a fellow such a swell, he has a thirst that's plain to tell. I've seen him drink his bath as well When I'm cleaning windows In my profession I'll work hard, but I'll never stop. I'll climb this blinking ladder ‘til I get right to the top. Pyjamas lying side by side, ladies nighties I have spied. I've often seen what goes inside, when I'm cleaning windows. There's a famous talkie queen, looks a flapper on the screen. She's more like eighty than eighteen When I'm cleaning windows. She pulls her hair all down behind, then pulls down her, never mind After that pulls down the blind When I'm cleaning windows. In my profession I'll work hard, but I'll never stop. I'll climb this blinking ladder ‘til I get right to the top. An old maid walks around the floor, she's so fed up one day I'm sure, She'll drag me in and lock the door When I'm cleaning windows. Back To Top Of Page THE WINDOW CLEANER 2 You've heard about my capers when windows I've to clean. Now I'd like to tell you of a few more things I've seen I've seen Miss Thompson in her flat take off her shoes her coat and hat I've seen her take off more than that, when I'm cleaning windows. At a ladies school I call, one girl flirts with me and all But I'm insured in case I fall, when I'm cleaning windows. All day up this ladder I'm as busy as can be It's not my fault I see a lot of things I shouldn't see To overcrowded flats I've been, sixteen in one bed I've seen With a lodger tucked up in between, when I'm cleaning windows Old soldiers never die they say, now I don't want to pass away I kick the bucket every day when I'm cleaning windows Through working at such dizzy heights, I dream about my job at night I polish my wife's thing-gummy tights, and think I'm cleaning windows. All day up this ladder I'm as busy as can be It's not my fault I see a lot of things I shouldn't see The newlyweds at number six, somehow the curtains they can't fix They play some lovely parlour tricks, When I' m cleaning windows Now lots of girls I've had to jilt, for they admire the way I'm built It's a good job I don't wear a kilt, when I'm cleaning windows. At the coronation I'll commence, to work where crowds are very dense And let me stand for eighteen pence, instead of cleaning windows. All day up this ladder I'm as busy as can be It's not my fault I see a lot of things I shouldn't see At eight o'clock a girl she wakes, at five past eight a bath she takes. At ten past eight my ladder breaks, when I’m cleaning windows. Back To Top Of Page WITH MY LITTLE UKULELE IN MY HAND Now everybody’s got a crazy notion of their own Some like to mix up with a crowd, some like to be alone It’s no one else’s business as far as I can see But every time that I go out the people stare at me With my little ukulele in my hand, of course the people do not understand Some say why don’t you be a scout, why don’t you read a book? But I get lots more pleasure when I’m playing with my uke. Of course I take no notice you can tell For mother’s sound advice will always stand. She said "My boy do what I say and you’ll never go astray If you keep your ukulele in your hand, yes son Keep your ukulele in your hand." While walking down the prom last night as peaceful as can be When some young girl said "what about a stroll down by the sea?" She said her name was Jane and that she’d just come for the day. She looked so young and harmless that I couldn’t turn away So with my little ukulele in my hand, I took a stroll with Jane along the sand. We walked along for miles without a single care or frown But when we reached the sand hills she said "Come on let’s sit down." I felt so shy and bashful sitting there, ‘cause the things I said she didn’t understand She said "Your love just turns me dizzy, come along big boy get busy" But I kept my ukulele in my hand, yes sir, I kept my ukulele in my hand. Made up my mind that I’d get wed some eighteen months ago. I also bought a book about the things you want to know. But just about a week ago I got a awful fright, I had to get dressed quickly in the middle of the night. And with my little ukulele in my hand, I ran along the road for Dr. Brand It didn’t take him long to get his little bag of tools. I held his hat and coat and let him have my book of rules. Out of the bedroom door he looked and smiled He said, "Come inside and see your wife and child." My heart it jumped with joy, I could see it was a boy For he had a ukulele in his hand, oh baby He had a ukulele in his hand. Back To Top Of Page WUNGA BUNGA BOO To take a trip on a great big ship one day I took the notion Yo-ho, yo-ho, yo-ho But the ship got wrecked which I didn’t expect and it tipped me in the ocean Yo-ho, yo-ho, yo-ho I swam around for umpteen weeks and reached the Zulu isle With the aid of a rope and a bar of soap I landed with a smile On Wunga Bunga Boo, on Wuga Bunga Boo Where dressings not extensive and clothes are not expensive The girls out there are really beauts and walk out in their bathing suits A string of beads and Russian boots, in Wunga Bunga Boo I heard a roar and on the shore, the chief said, "Pleased to meet you" Yo-ho, yo-ho, yo-ho, "You look" he said like dairy fed It’ll do us good to eat you, yo ho, yo-ho, yo-ho, yo-ho The last white meat we had to eat was an old man lean and bald When cooked, we found that he didn’t go round so we’re very glad you called On Wunga Bunga Boo, on Wunga Bunga Boo While fighting, Big Chief Ko-Ko, he went and lost his Bo-Co The doctor stuck it on quite pat, but upside down, now fancy that He blew his nose and lost his hat in Wunga Bunga Boo In Wunga Bunga Boo, in Wunga Bunga Boo An M.P. last September, got something to remember A lion chased him down the street and bit him during his retreat That’s how he nearly lost his seat, in Wunga Bunga Boo. Back To Top Of Page WITH MY LITTLE STICK OF BLACKPOOL ROCK Every year when summer comes round, off to the sea I go. I don't care if I do spend a pound, I'm rather rash I know. See me dressed like all the sports, in my blazer and a pair of shorts. With my little stick of Blackpool Rock, along the promenade I stroll. It may be sticky but I never complain, it's nice to have a nibble at it now and again Every day wherever I stray the kids all round me flock. One afternoon the band conductor up on his stand Somehow lost his baton - it flew out of his hand So I jumped in his place and then conducted the band With my little stick of Blackpool Rock With my little stick of Blackpool Rock, along the promenade I stroll, In my pocket it got stuck I could tell ‘Cos when I pulled it out I pulled my shirt off as well Every day wherever I stray the kids all round me flock. A girl while bathing clung to me, my wits I'd to use She cried, "I'm drowning, and to save me, you won't refuse" I said, "Well if you’re drowning then I don't want to lose My little stick of Blackpool Rock." With my little stick of Blackpool Rock, along the promenade I stroll In the ballroom I went dancing each night No wonder every girl that danced with me, stuck to me tight Every day wherever I stray the kids all round me flock. A fellow took my photograph it cost one and three. I said when it was done, "Is that supposed to be me?" "You've properly mucked it up the only thing I can see is My little stick of Blackpool Rock." Back To Top Of Page